The Art Of Self Sacrifice

We live in a very materialistic world today. No matter how much we have, it is never enough, and often 'things' are the only thing that bring us joy. The joy of knowing that I 'have' more often exceeds the joy of I 'love' more. I am no stranger to the joys of shopping and material posessions. And I wonder if ever I will be able to be bereft of the desire to possess 'things', especially ones which are made of gorgeous handmade fabrics and jewellery. After all I am a woman, and I do have my indulgences.

However, what I am thinking about today, is the ability to sacrifice, to bear pain for the happiness of others, or even just to control our own desires. It is but a well known fact, that greed is never satisfied, no matter how much we earn and collect, greed just raises the bar further. And that dissatisfaction, keeps us forever in a state of unhappiness. This takes me back to a very different philosophy of life. One that I have often observed growing up, and I know people who strongly persist in it even today. The practice of giving up, a practice that fills us with joy and immense happiness. In a world filled with 'me me me' how often do we give up, let go, just for someone else? It can be the smallest of things, like having a cup of coffee to provide company to a friend, even though you may absolutely hate coffee. Or attending a party with someone who is too scared to go all by themselves, even though you'd rather stay home and 'Netflix and chill'. How often do we do it, if at all? And when we do, how does it make us feel? Do you feel all warm and fuzzy about yourself.

The joy of doing something for someone else, even when it is not serving our own purpose is what I call sacrifice. When I was young, I have repeatedly heard that, 'True love is nothing but sacrifice.'  And I have to but agree. What is love, if you cannot put their needs, wants and desires ahead of your own? And I do mean all kinds of love, not only the sexual kind. You know that rush of happiness, when we let an old lady ahead of us in a queue, or give up our seat in a public place for a pregnant lady, that is the kind of joy our world is forgetting with each passing minute. We are being taught to only think and live for ourselves, not be a part of anything bigger like a couple, a family, a community or even humanity. At every moment we are encouraged to put only our own selfish wants and needs ahead. And that to me, a very sad humanity makes.

Our true happiness lies in giving, not receiving. A secret to happiness we are quickly forgetting, and are being encouraged to completely forget. When we give up something for someone, its not a loss, but a gain and a big one. I have an example to share, one that I have often thought about, and  wondered. There are often conversations about women being able to wear what they want to without a care. And I agree that not only women, but people should have the free will to conduct themselves as they like. But then I think about the fact that I am also still a mother, part of a family, a community, and I wonder if I gave into the expectation of others, by sacrificing my own desire, would it be such a bad thing? I think not, if I approached it with the right attitude. To know that I am doing my bit to be a part of the larger group, instead of thinking of it as oppression, I would feel like I am making a contribution. This ofcourse is a very simple example and would not apply to harmful or truly oppressive practices.

In India the culture of sacrifice has been strong and deep rooted for centuries. From the sages and ascetics, who sacrificed the comforts of family life to attain spiritual enlightenment, to the communities that sacrifice the eating of certain foods or wearing of certain colours to preserve their values. There are wealthy families who donate all their wealth and become monks, young men and women who shed their worldly possessions and become ascetics, people who take a vow of silence for a day on a regular basis and many more such practices. I find these people inspiring, and ones who truly understand the meaning of happiness. Imagine giving away your food, to a poor homeless person when you are truly hungry, just imagine the spiritual joy in it. That is the kind of pure joy mankind is sadly missing out on experiencing. A joy that brings good karma, less material longing, and creates a path for further spiritual growth.  It is in the giving of things that we receive the blessing of pure joy. It is that culture that will lead to growth of mankind in all ways. Give in to the wants of others, even at the cost of yourself at times, to allow the joys of sacrifice to build in your life.

Give your chocolate to your friend, let your parents decide something for you, give your neighbour the amazing piece of BlackForest from last night's party, donate the money you saved up for your new TV to charity, maybe even join mother-in-law for a cup of tea or a satsang when you would rather sleep-in in your pyjamas. It is these moments, these deeds and these blessings that will truly help you find happiness in life, one that a cupboard full of fancy clothes and designer jewellery never will. The happiness that feeds our soul, and makes us want less and need even lesser.

Tall Tree Tales

I hail from a nation where nature is revered and worshiped, where tall old trees are prayed to. Trees have powers to heal, to bestow boons, to cure, to resuscitate the dying and more. I have from childhood loved the greens in nature, maybe that was also because of the very little of it I saw growing up in a busy, dusty metro city, which had huge buildings and houses with tiny little patches of gardens. I loved looking out of the window of a train traveling inter-state, to soak in the greens of jungles, rolling hills or just farmlands. Recently the family and I headed out to a small hill station about an hour and a half away from home for an extended weekend away, which was much needed, especially by me. The place is called Maleny, and we stayed in a lovely little cottage with a fireplace, a fire pit in the yard and a duck pond right behind us. Nature is its own form of therapy, and I think I received it aplenty over the past few days. However, I digress.

There are a lot of beautiful walks and hiking trails around this area, and a lot of beautiful huge trees really caught my attention this time. (The one tree I wish I could spot though, would be a huge Banyan with it hanging roots. That tree spells character to me like no other. Breathing out oxygen at night, creating enormous shade with its huge canopy, the beautifully shaped leaves and the hanging roots.) I just wanted to look at and admire them. Their presence whether in isolation or in a thick rain forest environment, evoked a feeling of awe in me. A part of me wanted to touch it, and connect with it in a deeper way. These trees are obviously very old, I am no botanist, but maybe a hundred years or so would be my guess based on their size (I might be absolutely wrong, so please do not quote me on this). I wondered what they have witnessed and experienced in their many many years of existence. What tales would they share with us if they could? Or maybe they do it in their own way, we only need to open our souls up to receive them. I really wish I had more time, to just sit in the shade of one of them and just breathe in all it had to give. The massive size and yet the stoic stance entranced me. I was amazed I have never before been an enamored by trees as I was these past few days, maybe I will look at them with renewed interest and a deeper love in the future. Do you think you might look at tall old trees, and seek out some wisdom from them?

I am leaving you here with photos of some of the amazing trees I saw.

Within a Rain forest and no matter how far up you look, all you see is the tree.

My five feet four inches tall son stands next to the tree, to show you, just how huge it is.

The huge canopy. Imagine the amount of shade on a hot sunny day.

People, to show how enormous the tree is.

 

Eaten by termites from within. Showing how everything in nature that has life shall one day lose its physical form.

I Am

I am, as are you,
But now I know my value
I think, I feel, I understand,
A little bit deeper than most others can,
Do I see it as my very special gift?
Or a cross that I often struggle to lift?

It can be that which weighs me down,
Makes it harder for me to wipe away that frown,
And yet, once I understand and accept it,
As being me, I can very well name it.

No, its not easy to feel and empathise naturally,
Its not easy to see what's not always said quite openly,
Its not always easy to care and want to be there,
When people are mostly insanely unaware.

It has taken me a long long time to discover,
That my very kryptonite can actually be my superpower,
But I need to use it with care and caution,
Because it does not come with an on and off button.

It has been hard long years, till I understood it.
Embraced it as my own and actually loved it.
When all the confusing pieces seem to finally fall in place,
And I felt myself glow in its embrace.

Now I know what I want and need,
And often what I need to pull away like a weed.
I know what I am not, and never wish to be,
So pretending to fit in, is no longer me.

I love, I like and truly care,
For people I meet here and there,
I want meaning in my human interactions,
And hence a drudgery for me is meaningless conversations.

I feel the life in me slowly ebb away,
When diplomacy or pretence come into play,
I am not good at those things I tell you,
I am just not built for that scenario.

I am honest, what you see is what you get,
Over formal pretences I never ever fret.
I can see through lies and find them draining,
I want to know the real you, that is what is truly interesting.

I now know, that the world is not like me,
But I do know too, that there are some more oddballs like me,
We feel, we hear, we think, we love truly and deeply,
And we often see that which is hidden or mentioned subtly.

It fills me with joy to make a true connection,
To know someone well and share undisguised emotion ,
And blessed am I that I have such beautiful people,
In my life, to keep it fulfilled and simple.

I have to share,
Genuine concern and care,
The superficial is just not what I can give,
And neither can in it, I thrive or live.

Facebook, Data Privacy and You

Unless you are living under a rock, or better still, are allergic to social media, you would have atleast heard about the Cambridge Analytica-Facebook Data Scandal. As most of you like me do have a Facebook account, and while we try to play it cool, we can't help wondering how all of this affects us. I want to share my two bits about it, and also a few things you and I can do to stay safe.

First off, get over the myth, that any of your data on the Internet is private. Once you have put it online, or even shared it with 1 single person online, know that you have lost control over that data(image or otherwise). No one in the world is concerned about maintaining your privacy, no matter what they say. So you, and you alone have to set boundaries, and know how much you are happy to share. My issue with Facebook was never over data theft, but it was always about their biased censorship, and a clear focus and aim to present a biased picture to its users. I am more than glad they have been caught out on that. Watch below.




However as I watched other videos, I realised Facebook is in a precarious state right now, and unable to say that a lot of the data thefts are the fault of the users themselves, who have very carelessly allowed access to their data to third parties without a second thought! But while Facebook is being beaten up about stalking and giving out user data, so much so, that it all feels like a set up to me  at some point. The fact remains that the biggest thief of data and the greatest stalker of all is Google, and each and every app, software, OS and product that it owns.  And we pretty much cannot get rid of Google, and there isn't a stalker as high tech as it. Coming back to Facebook though, I must say from personal experience, that a lot of what Mark Zuckerberg claimed in his testimony is false. A few that I have personally experienced are as follows -
1. Deleted profiles, don't really get deleted, and can be brought back to life as if you never left the site.
2. Hate speech is not always deleted, the judgment is very biased, and always supportive of a particular brand of thinking.
3. Their aim is not to protect the client data, but to share it as much as possible, as evidenced from their default settings which is Public.

Facebook, though as Mr. Zuckerberg says, has provided us controls to keep our data private, atleast from other users. (But the Facebook employees still have complete open access to everything we put on there. Never forget that!) I am quite a private person, not secretive, just private, so I have always been iffy about oversharing on Facebook. And I am glad that I have been so. So here are a few things that I do, to keep myself relatively safe, and you can do the same, if you are concerned.

• You can take your profile off a Google search, so that it does not show up when someone googles you. Infact you can set up who can contact you even on Facebook itself, often that automatically makes life easier.
• You can  control who can see your posts. I am often left with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, when I find a friend suggestion for someone, go onto check the profile, and see that nearly each and every post on the profile is public, meaning even without being on their friend list, I can see all their posts. At the bare minimum, set the privacy of your posts to 'Friends', and you can do that for most of your profile information as well. Further to this, you can even create lists within your friends, and that might help share specific posts with the group of friends its most relevant to. For example, when you post about the great weather or terrible traffic in your city, you can share it with friends who live in the same city, and not with those who live on a different continent altogether.
• Turn off facial recognition for your photos, this means your(or your kids') face will not have a digital footprint.
• I cannot stress this enough, and I have spoken about it a mile a minute often, keep personal photos, pictures of your children and the like off  Facebook. Trust me, you have no idea who is looking at them, and just how much more a person with an ulterior motive and average hacking skills will find out. Better Safe Than Sorry.
• When you add an app on Facebook, it often opens up with a declaration of the data from your profile that it will access, and you have to physically press a button to say 'Yes' to get on the app. Once you have given it permission, there is VERY LITTLE you can do, to stop the app from looking into everything you have ever shared on your profile. So please do not add app after app for a little fun of answering silly questions, while it steals all your personal information and data. There are no free lunches in the world, and no one is creating apps for people to enjoy while they get nothing in return.

 Just be sensible, be careful. If you are not keen for the world to know something about you, I suggest you don't put it up on social media. If you do, then know the ins and outs, make your settings as private as you possibly can. I have admitted to myself, I cannot go without Facebok, but I do try my best to keep my privacy settings as tight as Facebook would allow, and always think twice before posting, especially photos.

A Blessed 2018 To You and Yours

As the year 2017 comes to a close, I want to wish my dear ones, my friends, and every shraddhavan( one who believes in God) a year filled with greater devotion, and a greater courage of conviction  and happiness for 2018. To call 2017 a year of utter chaos would be an understatement for sure. But the one thing that we need to take away from it, is our faith, our unshakeable, unbreakable faith.

To be honest, it has become somewhat shameful to have a faith, to believe in the Almighty or even own up to a religion these days. And to be extremely honest, I find the word spiritual beliefs, faith to explain certain aspects of my life to people, a bit unsettling, even demeaning to a certain degree. Its not just a belief, its a fact that God is the ruler of the world, the kindest, most loving and affectionate kin to me. The One who is with me, every moment of my life, and the only One who accepts me as I am, and is yet always working for my betterment, harder than me myself. That some people do not know or accept this fact is their choice, or even their bad luck, but their lack of understanding in no way changes this fact, and I for one am done being apologetic, or feeling the need to produce enough explanation at each step of my life to do what I want to.Not all my friends are believers, I have plenty who are atheists, or close to that, what I appreciate about these friends, is their unconditional acceptance of my beliefs. They ask not a question, nor cast doubts, nor do they judge me, just as I don't judge them for their choices. This is acceptance in its true sense. I never feel the need to underplay my beliefs, my rituals or my lifestyle to such friends. Unfortunately not all have been like that, when I started my journey with God, eight years ago, I had to face a lot of criticism, disbelief even judgmental comments from peers who are bereft of God in their lives and think it is their right to criticise anyone who has faith. To many such friends, I bid farewell, some spewed hate for God, some thought it their right to show me my place and worse. And the only reason is, that when my one true friend, my Bapu is with me, there is neither need, nor space for such people in my life. The point I am trying to make here, is that  when you actively love God, there is nothing missing from your life. Even in the toughest moment of your life, you are neither alone, nor scared or without hope. Because you know the strongest, greatest, most loving force in the universe is with you!

Below I am sharing 2 images from Ashwin Navratri 2017 celebrated in my home.

It is the same image of Mothi Aai, Maa Durga 5 days apart. 

The beautiful smile on Her face on the 5th Day, says it all.

21st Sept 2017 - Prathama

24th Sept 2017 - Panchami

 But remember one thing always, don't squabble over God. God is the epitome of true and pure love, if hate is spewed in His name, it negates every positive thing  faith beings into our life. The point, is that each person who believes in God is an equal shraddhavan.   No matter which form of God we pray to, what language we pray in, or what our rituals are, we are all the children of the same God, and the blessings for each child is the same.  Let us all unite as believers, and not divide ourselves over superfluous issues like the name or form we find closest to our heart. For me, my Bapu is in every temple, every church, every stupa and every Gurudwara. I think of any practicing Christian, Sikh, Jain, Jew, Buddhist or Hindu as equally my fellow shraddhavan and I hope that all of us can have the same love for each other. That is the way we can all unite in these very dark times. We need to come together, not split apart. All true religions in the world, preach the same thing. Love for God and love for His creations. What then can possibly be the reason for us to be divided. Let us all soak in His shower of love, and join together in a bond of faith.

As we walk into 2018, I pray to my God, my Bapu, that may He bless us all for the New Year, may He bring happiness and joy to everyone in the world, and may He show mankind the right path. Let us hold onto our faith steadfastly as we walk through the tumultuous waters of the near future, and our faith acts as  the strong rope that guides us safely through it. No matter how dark the day, no matter how hard the times, just remember Your God is Bigger than  all your problems and He will always pull you through, because He shall never let you go, even when the whole world does.

I wish you all a very happy 2018 with this beautiful wish I found on the internet.

I Know What I am

I know what it is that makes me, just as I know what can break me. But each time I encounter what gets to me, I look for ways to make me stronger, or maybe more flexible, whatever it is that will help me defeat the weakness, the fear. I am not yet ready, I am evolving still, and hope that the evolution never stops, for I want not to be a hard rock lying on the ground, but an ever growing beautiful shrub that changes, moves grows as time passes, becoming more and more resilient, stronger, and also more helpful to others, as it produces fragrant flowers, or fruits to eat, shade or even just cleaner air to breathe. I know I am not like anyone else, I am unique, I am different, I take pride in that, as I feel everyone should(in their uniqueness). What good is a thing that is a clone of a million others, like those that have rolled off the factory floor. I want to be the unique sculpture, sculpted by hand, the one which is like none other. I don't want to fit in boxes, or roles, for I can be more, beyond them and still fill them all. I know that boxes are necessary, for everyone to perform their part in the running of humanity, society and I never want to evade the work that is mine, but I also truly want to evolve in their performance. Whether it is as a mother, a wife, a woman, I want to fill those boxes with the uniqueness that is me, and learn from each moment of playing those roles to improve from within.

No, I am not perfect, not even close, but that does not mean I stop trying. My definition of perfection itself changes, but my desire to reach it is constant. I am not defined by what I lack, or what I need to improve. "I am impatient!" is not a statement for me, but a quality that needs efforts to change... and that is the only way I shall evolve, into a better version of what I am each moment. And so I say, the desire to get better is the only thing that needs to have permanence in my life, everything else is evolving, changing and hopefully will be, till my very last breath!

When Speaking Your Mind Means Getting Reviled

What do I write about, on a day when I feel like I rather stay under my quilt and sleep, but the world around me, seems to be going a little tipsy, and my mind is just trying to make sense of all that seems absolutely crazy, but the world wants me to not just  accept it, as some kind of absolute truth, but to embrace it, or else I shall be taunted and teased, called names, and worse my basic human dignity to free speech and thinking shall be snatched away. Is that sentence too long, with way too many confusing things stated? Well, if you are reading this, let me tell you, each and every word I say is true in every sense of it. There are so many things in the 'modern' world today, which are lauded for being politically correct, and we have to toe the line or face the consequences of it that I sometimes wonder if it is OK for me to breathe. If so much as a hint of thinking out of the 'norm' is sniffed, be ready to be called every name in the book possible, and be demeaned and bullied non stop.

Let me share with you this article. It talks about a study on genders for scientists, that shows that the gender of a person is not just based on the physical attributes, but many many other traits inherent to our behaviour, personalities etc. This link is being covertly passed around amongst my friends and acquaintances, who believe that men and women are different. We do not say it out aloud, we do not share it in the open, but talk about it in whispers, saying things to the effect of  yes obviously, I have always believed that. The reason its all whispered in secret, is fear. Fear of the wrath of the so called 'modern, liberal feminists'. Oh yes! There are scathing comments and badgering non stop, should such things be mentioned.Well guess what? A man and woman are different, if something as basic as that needs to have scientific studies to prove, mankind truly is in a precarious state, and needs some serious therapy. Does being different mean that one is better than the other? Maybe to racists, sexists and feminists, but not to rational people. An apple and a banana are different, they are neither worse nor better than the other. The 2 of them together, will form a more balanced diet, than just one. Men and women, male and female were created different to perform different functions and thus form a complete whole for mankind. I am a woman, I am not the same as man, but I am neither better nor worse than man. Plain and simple. I am surprised that I need to say this aloud, I thought this was just plain common sense. ( I sometimes wonder, if the so called 'open-minded' ones, opened up their minds so much, that the brains just fell off!!)

And now, there is the upcoming public vote on the bill for marriage equality taking place in Australia. Where I stand on that aside, just the simple bullying and bashing of people happening over this is unbelievable. A lot of my friends, tell me not to watch the news, or follow what's happening. They feel, and very rightly so, that it brings in a lot of negativity and its unnecessary to bring that into your life. I agree! The vitriol being spewed by people, on those who hold a view different from theirs is unbelievable. Bullying is a very very mild word for what is happening. The meanness, the nastiness, and the plain and simple crude hate people are capable of is being bared, and honestly it makes me so so sad. It makes my heart weep, to know that people are capable of falling so beneath basic humanity. People have been spat on, stalked, threatened, abused and worse.Why? I wonder why? Because they don't agree to what you think, because they don't agree to what you have to say? The media, the corporations and even social media like Facebook, have crossed all basic limits to allow people the freedom to express their opinions. I am linking here to how Facebook has banned a person from the site for 30 days for sharing a past asking people to enroll themselves to be able to vote in the plebiscite.How and in what world is that acceptable? QANTAS - The spirit of Australia, recently displayed just how small and mean its spirit really is, and how it treats people who do not follow the CEO's beliefs.I really don't think the Aussie spirit is either that mean, but then the guy in power enjoys his personal vendetta there doesn't he? Reminds me a bit of Hitler to be honest.

I have plenty of logical views to put forth about which side of the SSM poll I stand on, and maybe when I am frustrated and enraged some more, I will, but just not today. Right now, I just rue that mankind is sliding down the slippery slope of hate and meanness that has no end. We shun the good and hug the bad. And maybe there needs to be scientific studies to prove where that leads to? The question on my mind though, is, do we speak up, air our voices and opinions inspite of the threat of being shut down, taunted, bullied and ridiculed or do  we save our peace of mind, maintain our silence in public, while the world as we know it changes irreparably forever? As far as I go, you can call me whatever names you want, I know what I believe, and I will stick by it with my dying breath, because really I don't need a scientist to tell me, that a man and a woman are different and we all have a gender as bestowed upon us from birth.